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Ep. 94

1.) Re: the following:


"Leo returns from his lessons with the Ancient One. When he shows up at the lair, he finds that the place has been reduced to rubble… and a contingent of Karai’s Foot Ninja (maybe new special ninjas) are lying in wait for him! Armed with his new attitude and a few nifty new skills from the Ancient One, Leo completely and utterly kicks ass! "


Let's try to not make this too unbelievable -- Leo is not now "Super Ninja".

2.) Re: the following:


"He tries to question one of the Foot ops, but the loyal Foot soldier deactivates himself rather than betray “the Shredder.”"


"Deactivates himself"...? Huh? Is he a robot? Maybe it would be better if he just bashes his head against a wall to knock himself out.

3.) Re: the following:


"Meanwhile, after hours in the Oroku Saki Memorial Library, Karai enters through a secret passage to commune with a statue of her father. Suddenly her reverie is interrupted by Leonardo. "


How does Leo know where this "secret passage" is? And why does it have to be a secret, anyway? Wouldn't it make sense that there would be some publicly-placed statue of the library's founder, Oroku Saki?

4.) Re: the following:


"Then, as tension builds, Karai and Leo will fight. A big one on one between two incredibly skilled warriors. But Karai, in her new armor, is faster and more deadly than ever before."


Karai's in her new Shredder armor all this time? That seems kind of odd.

5.) Re: the following:


"But before anyone can get near Leo, he flips back out of the library and holds up a little blinking device. It’s a detonator. “Leave my family alone.” He says, and then he depresses the detonator. A series of explosions go off, blowing the crap out of the Oroku Saki Memorial Library. Karai and her Foot goons retreat behind emergency blast doors, though she does get to see the statue of Oroku Saki explode into rubble just before the door seals."


Not only is this unrealistic (where did Leo get all the time required to set all these explosive devices?), but it is TOTALLY un-Leo-like. I seriously doubt he would plant bombs, let alone destroy a LIBRARY with them. It would be cool, though, if as a parting/warning short just before he leaves, Leo does some amazing leaping/flipping move and decapitates the statue of Oroku Saki, and the severed head rolls over to Karai's feet.

6.) Re: the following:


"Later, Leo returns to lair with a few odds and ends. A laptop computer for Don, a punching bag for Raph, some comics for Mikey, and a new walking stick for Splinter. The last item in his cart he unveils; it is the oversized and somewhat damaged head of the Oroku Saki statue from the library."


I think I understand the intent of this scene, but it seems unrealistic and a bit goofy. And Leo bringing the Oroku Saki head into their new lair just feels completely wrong -- what a BAD way to christen their new home. I would lose this scene entirely, or just have Leo come back to the lair and symbolize their new beginning by replacing the "Lair Sweet Lair" sign (either he returns the beat up one he got from April via Karai, or he makes a new one).

Subj: Ep. 94 premise
Date: Thursday, August 19, 2004 12:54:33 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine


Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 94 premise.

1.) Re: the following:

"Leonardo tries to question this Foot Ninja, but the loyal Foot soldier breaks free runs himself into a wall knocking himself out rather than betray “the Shredder.”"

I think this would work better if the Foot ninja knocks himself out by slamming his head really hard into the wall (or post) that Leo is holding him up against. It just seems that if he actually got free from Leo's grasp, he would try to escape rather than knock himself out.

2.) Re: the following:

"Leo then discretely contacts April (have to come up with something that shows he in no way is endangering her), only to learn that everyone’s still missing – none of the others have contacted her. Leo starts to freak.

Next, in montage, we see Leo do his stealth thing across the city (he should be amazingly slick – slicker than we’ve ever seen the Turtles be before), tracking leads, looking for clues.

He examines the ruins of the lair and …

…notices the ShellSub has been launched …
… that a new exit was punched through one of the lair walls …
… that the BattleShell was taken before the warehouse blew, etc.)."

The order of things here is a little confusing. I think Leo should first check out the lair, THEN start his search.

3.) Re: the following:

"As he makes his stealthy trek across the city, he is stopped dead in his tracks when he spies the newly restored Foot Skyscraper Headquarters.

He sees the illuminated Foot symbol and the grander, restored Shinto Palace.

His eyes narrow as he inspects the Oroku Saki Memorial Library!"

Not sure if something is missing here, but the implication is that the Oroku Saki Memorial Library is right next to the restored Foot HQ. Is this so... and if so, does it make sense?? I see later on that:

"Meanwhile, after hours in the Oroku Saki Memorial Library, Karai enters through the back (which is connected directly to some portion of the Foot Building)."

... but I still have to ask -- does it make sense? For that scene, it doesn't seem to be necessary. Is a close proximity of this library to the Foot HQ a setup for something down the road? If not, I think it should probably be sited elswhere.

4.) Re: the following:

"Then, as tension builds, Karai and Leo will fight. Karai drops her robes revealing herself in her new armor! "

I'm not sure how this is going to look -- are we saying here that Karai is wearing full Shredder armor (obviously minus the helmet) under her robes? Won't that armor be kind of obvious, even under the robes, with all the blades and such? Maybe we should give Karai a new kind of Shredder suit -- one where the blades lie flat along the armor pieces, then flip up into fighting positions when needed.

5.) Re: the following:

"Later, Leo returns to new Central Park lair with a few odds and ends. A laptop computer for Don, a punching bag for Raph, some comics for Mikey, and a new walking stick for Splinter.

The last item in his cart he unveils is a new “Lair Sweet Lair” sign, hand-painted but very homey."

Except for the new "Lair Sweet Lair" sign, I still think all this other stuff is too much. The image of Leo pushing a cart with all this stuff in it just seems really goofy to me, for some reason.
However, it does make me think about how quickly we should have the Turtles "restock" their stuff in the new lair. My gut feeling is that we should take it fairly slow -- for example, Don should not have the big "video wall" up and running for quite some time, if ever.
I'm not sure if the intention of the writer with this bit was to say that Leo had gotten (salvaged) these things in his "cart" from the trashed lair, or if they were new items that he picked up elsewhere. I think it's a fairly important dramatic bit to establish that the old lair was COMPLETELY trashed... it's one of the reasons I objected to Splinter snatching up the TCRI canister and the Yoshi holo-gizmo when they were escaping a few episodes ago. I think that we should have a totally new start here.

-- Pete


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оригинальная запись в блоге

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All TMNT-related images © Mirage Studios unless otherwise noted. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles® is a registered trademark of Mirage Studios; all rights reserved.

Subj: comments on Ep. 94 ("Prodigal Son") outline
Date: Tuesday, September 7, 2004 11:12:56 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on Ep. 94 outline.

1.) Re: the following:

"The Turtles layer, or what’s left of it, is dark and cold."

Perhaps the weirdest misspelling yet -- "layer" for "lair"! (And it's repeated again later several times.)

2.) Re: the following:

"With solid, precise, moves, Leo springs forward with in attack …

… and instead of kicks and punches, he is using finger jabs (that look like doing the death touch) and strange looking chops and tosses.

Using little effort but devastating his attackers, energy strikes, Chi, etc. Before they can get a shot in-they are defeated. Leo holds one of them to his feet."

Conceptually, this is cool. But I have to confess to some trepidation about what it is going to look like in animation, as it has the distinct potential to look REALLY goofy. When I first read this, for some reason I thought "Three Stooges".

3.) Re: the following:

"Casey Jones is in one of his very secret hideouts (the place is a mess, cluttered with all kinds of sports equipment/vigilante gear). Leo creeps in –ninja style-

Casey is first annoyed that Leo has indeed found one of his most secret places, then he is very worried and angered when Leo gives him news of the layer and disappearance of others."

Huh? This is an odd new concept -- Casey Jones has "secret hideouts"? I don't quite see the point.

4.) Re: the following:

"She removes her robe, as it drops reveal her new streamline Shredder Armor. She holds her right arm out strait. A sword blade –pops- out, she drops into a fighting stance. "

It's "straight", not "strait". And I'm not sure I'm loving the idea that swords can pop out of the armor. It seems silly and pointless.

5.) Re: the following:

" As Leo, with his skill begins to take the advantage Karai is knocked back. A small hatch opens on her suit, three dart/knife projectiles launch toward Leo- he grabs a book from a shelf, with one hand holding it up as a shield, he moves his hand (and the book) absorbing all three darts. "

I'm not loving this dart idea, as it seems to me to open the door to all kinds of goofy, ludicrous weapons systems built into Karai's new Shredder armor.

6.) Re: the following:

"As the epic fight continues and Leo edges in closer, Karai does a –pole vault- off the staff, blades (similar to the ones in her arms, but shorter) –pop- from her feet."

Ugh... sword blades popping out of her feet? Ugh...

7.) Re: the following:

"A close up as Karai -flings- her right arm down, the signature Shredder claw -pops- out. (maybe hers is longer and more feminine looking). It crackles with a blue electricity. "

Ugh. I'm starting to hate this new "super gizmofied" Shredder armor. Why can't it just be a sleek and deadly suit of bladed armor, like the original?

8.) Re: the following:

"Angered, embarrassed, she flips up a panel on her suit, touching a button. An alarm sounds in the library, she speaks into the arm piece, “Security to the Library”. "

Ugh. Is there an iPod built into it too? Is Karai the new Inspector Gadget?

9.) Re: the following:

"He tosses the sword, like a boomerang, toward her. It flies through the air passing her. We see a cut a across frame. We then see the motionless statue of her father. Slowly the head starts to slide off- a clean cut across the neck."

This is REALLY silly. Throwing a sword "like a boomerang"? Please. If Leo's going to cut off the statue's head with his sword, let him do it in a realistic way.

10.) Re: the following:

"Later, back at the new lair, Leo arrives home to join his brothers. He carries his backpack (from the preview). He’s brought some of their favorite food, some comics for Mikey, and presents Splinter the new walking stick.

They all climb to the top of their new lair; it has a rooftop observation area looking out over the city skyline, a place for Splinter to meditate under the stars, a contrast to being “underground”."

How big IS this new place, if they can be on top of it and look out OVER the city skyline? And maybe I'm not seeing something, but aren't they going to be in plain view on top of this thing? I need to see some designs pronto... this location is starting to feel pretty dopey.

-- Pete


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оригинальная запись в блоге

------------------------------------------------------------

All TMNT-related images © Mirage Studios unless otherwise noted. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles® is a registered trademark of Mirage Studios; all rights reserved.

Subj: Re: First Draft 94
Date: Monday, September 20, 2004 2:27:32 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 94 first draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"WIDER- Leonardo out his Katana from his back sheath and behind him.
With sparks and lines of energy, two Shredaughts materialize seemingly out of nowhere (de-cloaking). "

Since when have the Shrednaughts been able to cloak (like the Foot Tech Ninja)? This is new. I think having Leo go up against and defeat two Shrednaughts all by himself is a bit over the top, even with his new confidence and skills.
Also, the clear implication here -- correct me if I'm wrong -- is that Leo has CAUSED the Shrednaughts to decloak simply by slashing behind him with his swords, his blades somehow disabling their cloaking abilities (similar scenes abound in past episodes with the Foot Tech Ninjas). This is more than a little improbable. I mean, Leo doesn't even know that these Shrednaughts EXIST. He's never gone up against them. I think we should get rid of the Shrednaughts in this scene and just have some Foot ninja, maybe Foot Tech Ninja.

2.) Re: the following:

"Leonardo toward the first Shredaught. He across it’s front with both Katana.
CLOSE ON- the Shrednaught as cuts open with energy and electrical sparks."

I've never particularly liked the the way Leo's swords can cut through almost anything like butter (or at least if the story requires it), but this is just silly. Weren't these Shrednaughts nigh on impenetrable in the attack on the lair? Didn't it take Mikey using the laser drill of the Turtle Tunneler to cut one open? The idea that Leo can just casually open them up with his katana is really unbelievable.

3.) Re: the following:

"The Second Shredaught back with a . It raises its fists as a hatch on it’s right shoulder open revealing a cannon (as seen in EP. 93).
CLOSE ON- Leonardo smirks."

Leo SMIRKS? What the hell is he SMIRKING for? Have we turned him into some unbeatable Arnold Schwarzenegger-type hero? Is he going to start making stupid one-liner jokes as he skewers bad guys ("Stick around!")? This is NOT the way to show that Leo has evolved as a fighter -- it's just DUMB-ASS POSING.

4.) Re: the following:

" more missiles, Leonardo past the Shrednaught off one of the legs. The Shrednaught to the ground."

Now Leo's swords can just slice off a Shrednaught's leg with no problem. Please.

5.) It just occurred to me that it would have made a lot of sense for the Turtles to have had a contingency plan for an event of this nature -- some catastrophic thing happening which would split them all up. They would very likely have had one or more pre-set locations where they could rendezvous in an emergency, so they wouldn't have to waste a lot of time with random searches. Maybe this could be worked into the story.

6.) Re: the following:

"WIDE ANGLE DOWN ON- The roof of the building. The three Foot Soldiers stealthily walk across.
The shadow of Leonardo, up and onto the roof, then stealthily toward them.
Leonardo toward them, doing a , and right behind them.
LEONARDO (V.O. CONT.)
Or, I at least had to know when the Foot had found the trail themselves.
CLOSE ON- Leonardo’s hand reaches forward gently removing a communication device from the Foot Ninjas belt."

Either Leo is now SuperInvisoNinja, or that Foot Soldier was recruited from the Deaf and Dumbass School of Ninjitsu. This is preposterous.

7.) Re: the following:

"CLOSE ON- A broken dish, small bag that reads “CATFOOD” and a PLANET RACERS comic book (that sit in a cubby hole beside the subway tracks). A flashlight beam passes over them. "

Now that we have had an episode where Raphael goes to another universe and encounters the "Planet Racers", it seems a little weird to have Mikey own a "Planet Racers" comic.

8.) Re: the following:

"WIDE DOWN ANGLE ON- The street. Leonardo walks away from the destroyed Battle Shell to some motorcycle tracks on the street."

So... how long has the destroyed Battle Shell been sitting out on the street? Has anyone noticed it? Why hasn't it been hauled away?

9.) Re: the following:

"WIDE ANGLE DOWN- Leonardo, still holding Splinter with Donatello following in rear, a path through the large crowd of Foot Ninja. (Note, like Jet Li surrounded by the crowd that can’t touch him in HERO, or Leonardo parting a sea of Foot Ninja) They arrive at the doorway.
WIPE TO:

EXT. ABANDONDED RESERVOIR PUMP STATION – LATER
Moon light shines down on the Reservoir Pump Station nestled and hidden under Belvedere Castle.

INT. ABANDONDED RESERVOIR PUMP STATION -
Leonardo sets the weakened Splinter down on the ground/blanket."

Uh... there seems to be something missing here. How did Leo and Don and Splinter escape from this large crowd of Foot Ninjas? Did they just let them go? I think we REALLY need to be careful about overdoing this "Super Leo" bit.

10.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER
What is important is that you are here now. And our family is together.
WIDER- Raphael interrupts,
RAPHAEL (ANGRY)
And, in one piece! I can’t believe we lost our home! "

Raph's two lines here don't seem to go together. I would lose the "And in one piece!" line.

11.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
Get used to disappointment, Karai. You won’t be the first Shredder who can’t seem to touch the Turtles!"

The second line of Leo's here makes no sense -- the "old" Shredder certainly DID touch the Turtles. I would take it out.

12.) Re: the following:

"Karai (Laughing) the chain toward Leonardo.
KARAI
Oh Leonardo, I had no true idea how much I would enjoy your pain!"

What a bizarre line from Karai. I would lose it.

13.) I have to wonder if it makes a whole lot of sense that Karai would have her Shredder armor on under her robe. Why would she be wearing it? And why have a robe covering it? It seems like this is only in the script for the little bit of "surprise reveal" when she whips off the robe. I wonder if it might make more sense that we see her enter that scene in full Shredder armor -- including helmet -- and she takes off the helmet as she bows/kneels to the statue of Oroku Saki. (Maybe she has just come from a training session in the dojo.) OR... she could have the whole fight with Leo WITHOUT her new Shredder armor, and we could save that confrontation for a later episode.

-- Pete


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оригинальная запись в блоге

------------------------------------------------------------

All TMNT-related images © Mirage Studios unless otherwise noted. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles® is a registered trademark of Mirage Studios; all rights reserved.

Subj: comments on second draft of Ep. 94
Date: Tuesday, September 28, 2004 10:18:01 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on Ep. 94 second draft.

1.) Although it is now somewhat improved, I'm still not loving the "Leo vs. two Shrednaughts" bit. I will say again that I do not want Leo to be "Super Leo" now -- he does have some new skills after his training with the Ancient One, but let's not forget that the important thing from his sojourn with the Ancient One was that his soul was healed.

2.) Re: the following:

"*P.P. FOOT NINJA
We just received a report… The two units stationed in the lair were destroyed. We found signs of damage from double katana. (PRON. “kah-tah-nah” all even in stress).
CLOSE ON- A wicked smile comes to Karai’s face.
*KARAI
Excellent. I can finally eliminate Leonardo… Deploy all available Foot Ninja. Leave no part of this city un-searched. I want him brought to me alive, if possible… not alive … just as good."

I get the feeling -- by the way she is described here (a "wicked smile") -- that if Karai had a handlebar mustache, she'd be twirling the ends of it. Why, when she just tried to wipe out the Turtles when she attacked the lair, does she now want Leo brought to her alive if possible? And why is the destruction of two Shrednaughts and their human pilots "excellent"? I would think she would be pissed that they were lost. And let's lose the "wicked smile" -- she should be DEAD SERIOUS.

3.) Re: the following:

"*LEONARDO (O.C.)
Who else in New York is gonna have a footprint like this besides a mutant turtle…"

Leo doesn't say "gonna".

4.) Re: the following:

"*ANGLE DOWN WIDE ON- Leonardo studies more motorcycle tracks, which curve and lead under elevated (subway) tracks.
Leonardo looks up.
*LEONARDO’S POV- Above a train by.
*LEONARDO (CONT’D)
… the D train … Uptown…
Leonardo looks back down.
PUSH IN ON- Leonardo looks surprised.
*LEONARDO’S POV- of Raphael’s helmet sitting on the ground.
Leonardo to the helmet, PICKING IT UP off the ground.
Leonardo studies the helmet."

Maybe the writer intended something different, but the way this is written it seems like Raph's helmet magically appears on the ground while Leo glances away. Otherwise, why didn't he see it the FIRST time he was looking down?

5.) Re: the following:

"CLOSER- Leonardo ninja style as the three Foot Ninja out of FRAME.
CLOSE ON- Leonardo’s eyes shift and look.
*LEONARDOS POV- Barely visible through overgrown vines, and greenery, is a door.
*Leonardo toward the door. He to open the door, with a it opens. Leonardo looks across; the Foot Ninja are near.

*INT. ABANDONDED RESERVOIR PUMP STATION – NIGHT
PAN DOWN TO- Leonardo crouches by the slightly cracked door as the shadows of a few Foot Ninja pass by. He then, securely the door."

I think it's a mistake to have this little "hide and seek" thing between Leo and the Foot Ninjas happen so close to the site of the Turtles' future lair, as if he disappears in its vicinity while being tailed, that's a red flag for the Foot. I think he should lose them earlier and then take refuge in the pump station.
Also, Leo enters this place pretty easily... which makes me think that if it's that easy to get into, sitting in the middle of NYC it would be a favorite hangout for street people. Maybe we should make it harder to get into -- maybe Leo should find a subterranean entrance.

6.) Re: the following:

"*The Turtle Tunneler (ep. 93) comes through the wall and into the sewer – LEAVING the FRAME. A moment later, the Shrednaught follows flying through the hole and into the sewer.
CLOSE ON- The underside of the TurtleTunneler. A small square hatch is KICKED open REVEALING Michelangelo. He CRADDLES Klunk, and away from the moving vehicle.
CLOSE ON THE TURTLE TUNNELER– as a shot the back wheel of the TurtleTunneler.
The airborne Shrednaught again from its mini-cannon."

What the -- ???!! A FLYING Shrednaught???!!! I don't think so.

7.) Re: the following:

"*LEONARDO
Time to bring them home … if we only had one …"

As it is clearly Leo's intention to make the pump station the new lair (recall his previous "This place … has potential" line), I think we should lose the "if we only had one" line.

8.) It's still curious how nothing Leo does really connects to HOW he finds the other Turtles and Splinter. He meditates, has visions of the others escaping from the lair, then says "Time to bring them home"... and just goes and gets them. How did he find them? Doesn't make much sense.
And the more I think about it, the more this whole meditation/vision thing makes no sense. Other than possibly our saving some money by using clips from a previous episode, what does it accomplish for Leo to see how the others escaped the destruction of the lair? It doesn't show him where they ended up. I wonder if it might make more sense to use that time to show him using some advanced ninja tracking techniques to find his brothers.

9.) Re: the following:

"*DONATELLO
(desperate)
You’re gonna have to go through me to get to him!"

Like Leo, Don does not say "gonna".

10.) Although it works for pacing purposes, doesn't it seem a BIT too coincidental that just seconds after Leo finds Don and Splinter in their hiding place, the Foot appear? Why now? Why this particular place? Maybe the attck should take place as Leo is leading them back to the pump station.

11.) Re: the following:

"*EXT. UNDERNEATH BOARDWALK, CONEY ISLAND – DAY
An exhausted RAPHAEL sits in the sand propped up against a support beam (A band-aid stuck to his chin). He drinks soda out of a cup with a straw ."

A band aid? Where'd he get that?

12.) Re: the following:

"*LEONARDO
Hey Raph, don’t worry, just think of it like this… Nothing is permanent. Life is a constant state of change, and we’re all gonna be OK."

Leo STILL doesn't say "gonna".

13.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
I’m going to go get some food, and some supplies and medicine. I’ll be back.
Splinter smiles, knowing what is on Leonardo’s mind. HE PULLS LEONARDO CLOSER FOR A QUICK WORD …
*SPLINTER
(close/to Leo)
Yes, I see. Your journey home is not complete… Be careful, son. She has progressed in her training."

What exactly does Splinter hear in Leo's comment that makes him think that Leo is going after Karai? I don't see anything there. And if somehow Splinter DOES figure out that Leo is going into the lion's den to confront a deadly foe, why does he SMILE? What's there to SMILE about?

14.) Re: the following:

"Karai one end of the weapon toward Leonardo.
Leonardo leans back as the chain enters FRAME around one of his swords and it out of FRAME.
The sword flies across the library hitting the ground with a slide.
Karai and the weapon once again toward Leonardo.
Horizontal BG Pan as a moves across frame.
Leonardo back gripping his arm in pain.
LEONARDO

Karai the chain toward Leonardo.
The chain enters frame away Leonardo’s other sword."

It seems somewhat preposterous that this chain weapon is SO effective against BOTH of Leo's swords.

15.) Re: the following:

"KARAI (O.C)
<i>

Subj: Re: Final on 94
Date: Sunday, October 3, 2004 5:57:21 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 94 "final" draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"**LEONARDO (V.O. CONT’D)
If that is my fate, I will face those demons as many times as they want…
Karai, holding the sword (now wrapped in fabric) and the helmet, slowly and ceremonially walking down a grand staircase.
**LEONARDO (V.O. CONT’D)
But this, this may be the hardest cut of all…"

I think it would work better if Leo says "as many times as I must" instead of "as many times as they want".
Also, "the hardest cut" is a phrase I'm not familiar with. "The unkindest cut" is a familiar phrase -- is that what is meant to be used here? (FYI -- a quick Google search turns up 267 hits for "the hardest cut" vs. 7330 for "the unkindest cut".)

2.) Re: the following:

"**LEONARDO (V.O. CONT’D)
Once, she had a goodness in her … once, she had honor.
**ON- A display case, Leonardo from B.G. onto it. He crouches down ninja style ready for action. His eyes narrow.
**LEONARDO (V.O. CONT’D)
But now, she has so far crossed the line that there is no turning back."

The phrasing here in Leo's second line is awkward, and I think what Leo is saying in his first line isn't quite right. I would change that first line to something like this:

"Once, I thought there was good in her... I thought she had honor. I was wrong."

And I would eliminate the second line (because it is superfluous) and go right into "From what she did to my family I will have justice." (Note that I have gotten rid of the "me and mine" -- I think it's clunky. And if we make that change, then maybe Leo's next line should read "I will avenge them..." instead of "I will avenge my family..." so we don't repeat the word "family" twice in two consecutive lines.

3.) Re: the following:

"**With a huge the one Shrednaught through the wall. Falling bricks tumble to the ground, dust fills the air.

I thought the Shrednaught was "silently buried under a camouflaging pile of rubble and debris"? What's it doing crashing through "the wall"?

4.) Re: the following:

"**WIDER – The whole Shrednaught goes limp and slumping now that Leo has “knocked out” the pilot. Leonardo looks at the Foot Ninja/Pilot’s “Foot” uniform.
**LEONARDO
(a bit stunned)
The Foot!"

This is kind of curious -- is Leo really "stunned" that the Shrednaught is a Foot device? I can't remember the design, but doesn't it have some kind of Foot insignia on it? And even if it didn't have an insignia, and Leo had to guess who was behind it, wouldn't the Foot be one of his first choices... and thus he wouldn't be "stunned" by the reveal? I think a better direction would be as follows:

"**WIDER – The whole Shrednaught goes limp and slumping now that Leo has “knocked out” the pilot. Leonardo looks at the Foot Ninja/Pilot’s “Foot” uniform.
**LEONARDO
(angry)
The Foot!"

5.) Re: the following:

"ON- The Foot Ninja (partially inside the Shrednaught).
*FOOT NINJA/PILOT 1
I will tell you nothing!
*He presses a button on his controls. Lights on the suit and a grows louder and louder.
Leonardo does a backwards away from the Shredaught.
Leonardo DIVES out of the lair, and into the sewer tunnel as fire shoots from the doorway behind him, just as he lands to safety."

This "self-destruct suicide" move by the Foot ninja doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I mean, Leo didn't DISABLE all of the Shrednaught's weapons and combat systems -- he just found a way to "pop the lid" and bapped the Foot ninja piloting it. The pilot SHOULD have all of the Shrednaught's weapons at his disposal... so why does he commit suicide instead of trying to fight more or at least escape?

6.) Re: the following:

"**KARAI
Leonardo. Deploy all available Foot Ninja. Search the city. Destroy him! I want Leonardo’s head on my desk before sunrise!
**The P.P. Foot Ninja bows and turns away. Karai turns to the night skyline of the city.
**KARAI (CONT’D)
This night, my beloved father will be fully revenged."

I think the "I want Leonardo’s head on my desk before sunrise!" is kind of silly and unnecessary -- I'd lose it.
Also, I think the word should be "avenged", not "revenged" (which I'm not even sure IS a word).

7.) There is some SLIGHT improvement in the way Leo finds the others, specifically how he finds Raph, but it isn't enough. There is still no indication or explanation of HOW he finds Don, Splinter, and Mike, WHY he looks in the places they are hiding. He just DOES it. It's probably too late to fix this silliness completely, but maybe a line from Leo to Splinter like "I'm glad I paid close attention when you were teaching us those ninja tracking lessons, Master" would help.
As I don't see WHY it is particularly necessary -- as far as the story goes -- for Leo (and us) to spend all this time and effort to find the rest of them in all these different locations (I know the writer is trying to emphasize the Turtles' destitution, but I think the fact that the lair is destroyed and they're all beat to shit sort of says it all), I will reiterate the idea I proposed a while back (in my comments on the first draft of this episode), which would not only make more sense, logically, but also free up more screen time to do other more important stuff:

" It just occurred to me that it would have made a lot of sense for the Turtles to have had a contingency plan for an event of this nature -- some catastrophic thing happening which would split them all up. They would very likely have had one or more pre-set locations where they could rendezvous in an emergency, so they wouldn't have to waste a lot of time with random searches."

8.) Re: the following:

"**SPLINTER (CONT’D)
And, with my family safe, I finally can rest easy."

I think Splinter would use the more grammatically correct "rest easily" rather than the more vernacular "rest easy".

9.) Re: the following:

"Leonardo walks and pulls the blanket around Splinter wrapping him inside. "

What an odd sentence! What, exactly, is meant by this?

10.) Re: the following:

"Splinter smiles patting Leonardo on the side of the arm."

Another odd sentence. Why "the side of the arm" instead of simply "the arm"?

11.) Re: the following:

"**SPLINTER
It means, nothing is permanent, but for now, let us focus on the present moment. How are you, my son?
**LEONARDO
I wish I had been here to help you … but the experience with the Ancient One … it was pretty amazing.
**SPLINTER
Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back."

Leo's comments are kind of odd, in context. It almost sounds like he's saying that, given the choice, he would RATHER have been with the Ancient One that back in NYC helping his family defend their home. I also think it's pretty obvious that Leo wishes he'd been there to help, so to have him say it is somewhat superfluous, and as I said, in this context it's somewhat contradictory. I think we need to clarify what needs to be said in this bit -- which is that Splinter wants to know if Leo has solved his problem. I would suggest changing things as follows:

"**SPLINTER
It means nothing is permanent. But now, I wish to know -- how went your journey?
**LEONARDO
It was... difficult, yet rewarding. And my experience with the Ancient One … it was pretty amazing.
**SPLINTER
Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back."

12.) Re: the following:

"Splinter looks up at Leonardo with concern …
**SPLINTER (CONT’D)
And, I can see something else in your eyes. Your journey is not finished."

I would lose the "Your journey is not finished." bit, as Leo's going after Karai is NOT part of the journey we set him on, and I don't think it's a good idea to make it so. It's also a superfluous line.

13.) Re: the following:

"**LEONARDO (CONT’D)
(louder/announcing)
I’m going to go get some food, and some supplies and medicine. I’ll be back.
WIDER ON- The room as Leonardo exits.
RAPHAEL
Bring back some sodas or somthin’
DONATELLO
And a big flat screen TV.
MICHELANGELO
And some pizza, and Chinese food, oh, and some gyros…"

Compared with Mike's and Raph's requests, which are sort of reasonable, Don's request is SO stupid that I think we should just drop it. Remember, just because Raph and Mike want Leo to bring them back something doesn't mean that Don has to.

14.) Re: the following:

"**LEONARDO
So, you’re the new Shredder… I’m not impressed.
*Karai the sword in one fluid motion.
**KARAI
You will be! When I cut you to pieces! You will not live to see the dawn!"

Both Leo's and Karai's lines here are lame -- Leo's for its pseudo-cool/tough guy aspect and Karai's for their shrill, over the top nature. I would change them as follows:

"**LEONARDO
So, you’re the new Shredder…
*Karai the sword in one fluid motion.
**KARAI
Yes... and I am your doom."

15.) Re: the following:

"**LEONARDO
You’ve gone too far this time, Karai.
**KARAI
And, I am not finished! Only when I have destroyed you, then I will have truly avenged and honored my father."

I would change this as follows:

"**LEONARDO
You’ve gone too far this time, Karai.
**KARAI
Not far enough -- only when I have destroyed you, then I will have truly avenged and honored my father."

16.) Re: the following:

"*LEONARDO
Everything you honor is a lie, Karai. That sword in your hand, that helmet you carry, and especially the man you call father."

I would suggest this small change:

"*LEONARDO
Everything you honor is a lie, Karai. That sword in your hand, that helmet you carry, and especially the man -- the thing -- you call 'father'."

17.) Re: the following:

"*LEONARDO
You are trying to build an empire on a foundation of lies and evil… You are destined to follow in your father’s failure.
On Karai
KARAI
How dare you even mention my father!"

I would suggest this change:

"*LEONARDO
You are trying to build an empire on a foundation of lies and evil… You are destined to follow in your father’s failure.
On Karai
KARAI
My father only failed to destroy you. And I shall not repeat that mistake!"

18.) Re: the following:

"KARAI
Your technique has changed? Your form is strong."

Why the question mark?

19.) Re: the following:

"*Karai PICKS UP her Shredder helmet placing it on.
**KARAI (CONT’D)
You are not only facing me.
*CLOSE ON- The burning red eyes of the Shredder helmet.
**KARAI (CONT’D)
You are facing the Shredder!
On Leonardo.
**LEONARDO
Really? Must be a little crowded in that helmet."

This is truly "groan worthy" dialogue. I would lose all of it.

20.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
I thought you understood honor. But I was wrong. You’re exactly like your old man… You understand nothing."

Leo's use of "your old man" is inappropriate for the moment. I would substitute "him".

21.) I still don't like the ridiculous ease with which Karai takes BOTH of Leo's swords away from him with a CHAIN. And it seems to be done not for any great reason, but just so Leo can say "I don’t need weapons to defeat you Karai… Your own anger defeats you…" -- and then, four lines later, he goes and grabs a weapon (one of his swords)! I guess maybe he DOES need weapons.

22.) Re: the following:

"**LEONARDO
You’re losing to your anger Karai… You remind me of a turtle I know…"

Who is referring to here? Raph? Or himself? If he's referring to himself as he used to be BAO (Before Ancient One), then shouldn't he say "You remind me of a turtle I used to know…"?

23.) Re: the following:

"**LEONARDO
What’s the matter, Karai? Can’t handle me on your own? Need back up? That’s a first."

More inappropriate "tough guy" lines from Leo. And Karai needing backup is DEFINITELY not a first, so that line is goofy.
I think that perhaps a better resolution than Leo running away (which is essentially what he is doing) would be for him to have her at his mercy, then leave... giving her one last chance. (Which she will blow in an upcoming episode, of course.) With that in mind, I would change the following:

"**LEONARDO (FIRM)
The next time we meet, I won’t spare your life."

to something like:

**LEONARDO (FIRM)
I'm granting you a last chance to do the right thing, Karai. Don't waste it."

I would also leave out Karai calling for backup -- in fact, she could whip out her com device to TRY to do that, but Leo could make some kind of cool move and take it away from her.

24.) Re: the following:

"*MICHELANGELO
Hey, thanks Leo! What’s up with the arm?
*LEONARDO
It’s nothing, Mikey."

Because we also currently have Don doing the "It's nothing" bit (re: his goo-infected scratches), AND because there is no reason for Leo to NOT tell Mikey how he got wounded -- or simply THAT he got wounded -- I would suggest changing that line to something like:

"*MICHELANGELO
Hey, thanks Leo! What’s up with the arm?
*LEONARDO
Just a little battle damage, Mikey."


-- Pete

Супер серия.Лео вернулся.Ха.И показал Караи и мне понравилось как он сказал
-Я даю тебе последний шанс караи и держись подальше от моей семьи.Потом он стал очень умный.Спас всю семью.И подарил учителю.Палку из волшебного дерева.Старейший научил его мастерству и правильно думать .Думать как Лидер черепашек ниндзя.Он стал намного лучше драться.
И прикольно он сходил за китайской едой,и рыбками для Кланка.
-И побольше содовой-сказал Раф.

Да лео стал мастером ниндзюцу

Вай, а мне больше всего понравилось даже не то, как Лео умудрился найти всех своих братьев и мастера, сколько то, КАК он поставил Караи на колени....
>
Так ее!! =))))

обожаю эту серию )))
то, как Лео понимал, куда двигаться, кого где искать, "видел их" - произвело впечатление)))

- Это мне знакомо - когда видит то, что "оставил" Майки.

момент с Караи - мррр, это супер )))

- Держись подальше от моей семьи.

это было сильно !!! серии 10/10 =^^=

Классная серия) Понравилось, как Лео отыскал всю свою семью, а момент с Карай - нечто)

Я вобще когда первый раз смотрел думал что все черепашки действительно умерли пока Лео не собрал их всех и надавал Караи

Я тоже так думала) Особенно в эпизоде с Доном и Сплинтером... реально поверила, что они погибли... Так грустно было

Вот с Доном и Сплинтером да,когда лодка взорвалась вобще печаль наступила я и не думал что они как то выплывут оттуда(

Я могла себе представить, как могли спастись Раф и Майки... Но Дон и Сплинтер... Под водой, да ещё и в таком положении... Это было жутко(

Вот и я о том же

Вот это серия! Леонардо хорош, не растерялся в данной ситуации. Нашел всех
братьев и учителя. Правда он оставил Караи в живых, даже после такого, но
за это Лео стоит только хвалить, а не ругать, ведь он настоящий воин. Собственно
серия как то больше раскрывает нам самого Лео, поэтому кроме 5/5, ничего не могу поставить.

Машувать... Нора....... второй раз за сезон... И с концами.
Да какого...*вырезано цензурой* ?!!
Кажется наследство в виде шреддерства головного мозга заразно. Только вот между Караи и черепахами в отличие от Шреддера буфера нет. У Караи нет никого, кто подправил бы семейный заскок на снижение градуса, а прогрессирует шиза стремительно и серьезно. Любопытно, что Караи, даже когда последние остатки ясного разума помахали хозяйке ручкой, оказалась в надцать раз опаснее отца упорством и предельной концентрацией на цели. Принцип "из-под земли достану" никогда еще не звучал нагляднее. Пожалуй, то, что Шреддер вечно отвлекался на что-то поглобальнее, чем охота за семейством Хамато для черепах было своеобразной защитой.
Отшлепать катаной ее точно не помешало, хотя этого чертовски мало за дом.
Одно радует: вирус ненависти фильтрами Старейшего срезался, а это оружие с эффектом "передай другому" куда разрушительнее и коварнее любых приемов.
Не очень понятно сколько времени прошло между разрушением Норы и возвращением Лео в Нью-Йорк. По моему это всем багам баг, что никто из черепах даже не попытался искать братьев. Да ладно, если Лео нашел следы Дона, что Раф не мог найти? Не настолько же он без мозгов. Он бы весь берег обшарил, чтобы убедиться, что не все потеряно. Особенно, с учетом того, что в этом братья бы сделали все возможное, потом невозможное, а потом и немыслимое, не смотря на то, что футы рыщут по городу в поисках последнего брата. Странным выглядит и то, что никто из футов не попытался проверить технику на наличие трупов. В общем серия не без натяжек, хотя при этом у нее этот... ацки паленый вкус...
Не только нору жаль, жаль еще и разум Караи... неужели все настолько плохо, что тоска по отцу просто сожрала подчистую все то ценное, что у нее было в жизни... (((

Мне нравится серия именно из за вот этих моментов, когда Лео напрягает мозги и дает воображению логически выстроить события которые произошли с его братьями, интересный ход. Единственное, я уже где то видел это Не могу вспомнить, но кроме этого точно видел то же самое в «саладине» (интересно, я единственный кто тут смотрел этот мультсериал, он вроде по 2х2 шел ) Там вроде он тоже пытался понять что случилось с людьми из его тимы, так же напрягал свою башку и давал мыслям все выстроить Мне уже тогда это показалось какой то копипастой, только потом вспомнил что чн напоминает Хотя наверное это еще где то было, просто я недостаточно гик.

Глупая серия.
Мало того что футы просто не замечают как черепахи спасаются (Чего стоит спасение Рафа), так они даже не пытаются проверить останки на наличие трупов...

У Лео в этой серии очень хорошо сработал дедуктивный метод - и за это я бы назвал его ШерЛео Холмс!