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Прикольная серия!Особенно улыбнул Ген "Рокстеди"!

Это было что-то типа пасхалки мульта, про напоминание старого...

хорошая серия

Subj: notes on EP. 91 premise
Date: Tuesday, August 3, 2004 6:43:20 PM

From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine



Lloyd,

Here are my notes on Ep. 91 premise

1.) Re: the following:

"Usagi and Gen come to NYC for a visit."

Nothing wrong with this... but I wonder if we might think up something which would invest this story with a little more drama and purpose. For example, what if Usagi and Gen did not come to our world just for fun, but they are actually pursuing someone, some evildoer, from THEIR world who has escaped into ours? This could be a cool way of bringing in more UY characters.
(Of course, I just read the end of this one and saw the bit where Splinter had actually asked Usagi to come... which is also fine, but still...)

2.) Re: the following:

"We’ll do a gag where Gen has tried on some new clothes and he looks suspiciously like RockSteady from the old show."

I laughed out loud.
Actually, if we wanted to play up the "Bebop and Rocksteady" gag, AND wanted to use my idea of Usagi and Gen pursuing a character from their universe, maybe Stan could create a warthog-based villain who could -- once we redress him (he might do this to blend in with our world) and if you squinted at the right angle -- kind of look like Bebop from the old show.

3.) I'm not 100% sure that getting Bishop and Stockman involved in this tale is a good idea, simply because the story is somewhat lighthearted and those guys are really nasty. I wonder if perhaps it should be Hun and the Purple Dragons who encounter Gen... maybe they try to recruit him! He might, in some strange way, fit right in with them (up to a point). And it might make sense that the "Rocksteady" clothes he puts on come from the PD.

4.) This reminder is probably not necessary, but -- Stan Sakai should be copied on all of this. Actually, I'm not sure if he has approved the appearance of Usagi and Gen in this episode -- not that I think he wouldn't, but we should be sure to dot all i's and cross all t's before we go off and do lots of work on it.


-- Pete

Subj: Re: TMNT - 91 1st draft
Date: Tuesday, August 31, 2004 3:50:00 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on Ep. 91 first draft, a very fun episode.

1.) Re: the following:

"USAGI
The path we walk in life is different for each of us."

There's something odd about the grammar in this line. I would suggest changing it to read as follows:

"USAGI
The paths we walk in life are different for each of us."

2.) Re: the following:

"CLOSE ON A LIT CANDLE as it crosses into and out of the frame – the candle is suspended from a swinging rope. As it comes back into frame like a pendulum, a KATANA slices through the frame, cutting the wick and extinguishing the flame."

I like the general idea of this, but I'm wondering how, practically speaking, this can be done. How is the candle oriented -- vertically or horizontally? How is it attached to a swinging rope so that its wick can be sliced off without the rope also being cut? Maybe there is a simple solution to this design problem that I can't see for some reason. Anyway, maybe instead of a rope, the candle could be on a candleholder attached to a pole which is spring-mounted to the floor, so that when released it would bob and weave erratically.
And reading on, I just realized that there are MORE candles on ropes. Hmmm...

3.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO (OC)
I’d be training, too, but, you know… it’s comic book day."

A small change -- but maybe Mike should say:

"MICHELANGELO (OC)
I’d be training, too, but, you know… it’s new comic book day."

4.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL
Maybe YOU need your butt kicked too, jarhead."

Because "jarhead" is usually used specifically in reference to a Marine or someone who looks like one (i.e. close-cropped, buzz-cut hair), maybe "bonehead" would be more appropriate here.

5.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO (OC)
I think all of you should just lay off the poor guy… it ain’t easy bein’ Leo."

I think Mike would not use "ain't" or "bein'" here -- they are more Raph-type words -- so his line should read as follows:

MICHELANGELO (OC)
I think all of you should just lay off the poor guy… it's not easy being Leo.

6.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
Usagi! I didn’t think anyone would be up so early after last night. Up for some sparring?"

Rather than use "up" twice in such close proximity, perhaps it would be better like this:

"LEONARDO
Usagi! I didn’t think anyone would be awake so early after last night. Up for some sparring?"

7.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
Usagi! I didn’t think anyone would be up so early after last night. Up for some sparring?

ON USAGI – he smiles.
USAGI
I am surprised you are able to lift your swords, Leonardo-san… you seem to be carrying such a large weight since last we met.

CLOSE ON LEO, his expression dark.
LEONARDO
Someone has to carry it."

I know what is being attempted here, and it is necessary, but this line of Usagi's is kind of awkward. The connection between the weight of his katanas and the weight of responsibility doesn't really work, to my way of thinking. I would eliminate it, and restructure this scene perhaps as follows:

"LEONARDO
Usagi! I didn’t think anyone would be awake so early after last night.

ON USAGI – he smiles.
USAGI
I wanted to speak with you alone, Leonardo-san. It seems to me that since we last met, you have chosen to shoulder an oppressive burden...

CLOSE ON LEO, his expression dark.
LEONARDO
Someone has to carry it.

ON USAGI – he looks up at Leo, taking in that comment.

LEO
Up for some sparring?

After a moment, Usagi rises and draws his katana."

8.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
…and there was nothing I could do. Master Splinter was burned… The Shredder broke Raph’s back… Mikey’s legs… Don’s arm… all I could do was watch."

I'm a little confused. When did the Shredder do all this to the other Turtles? I don't recall this litany of injuries.

9.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER
We should have explained the dangers of our world to Gennosuke more clearly… He is in grave danger!"

Using the word "danger" twice in one line bugs me, and saying that Gen IS in "grave danger" seems a bit much -- I mean, he COULD be, but why would Splinter think he DEFINITELY is? Maybe it should read as follows:

"SPLINTER
We should have explained the dangers of our world to Gennosuke more clearly… He could find himself in grave peril!"

10.) Maybe Casey should wave a hot dog at Gen to help induce him to get on the motorcycle.

11.) Re: the following:

"ANGLE – CAMERA TRACKS TWO IRON SPIKES/SHURIKEN IN FLIGHT
ON MIKEY – his hands on the rails of the ladder.
MICHELANGELO
Oh, right. Sorry, I-
The iron spikes dig into the brick rooftop, right where the ladder is attached to the brick. Surprised, Mikey looks down at the spikes - and ladder SEPARATES from the wall. Still holding on, Mikey and Raph begin falling back. "

If I'm reading this right, Kojima's spikes/shurikens have just cut away a metal ladder from a brick wall. Does that sound silly to anyone else? Maybe it would be a little more believable if Kojima threw some kind of grappling hook and line and pulled the ladder (perhaps old and rusty already) from the wall.

12.) Re: the following:

"USAGI
Leonardo… Tread carefully. Kojima is a legend on my world… an assassin and weaponsmaster without equal. "

It's a small point, but I think "IN my world" would be better thatn "ON my world".

13.) Re: the following:

"ON LEO – katana in hand, he PUNCHES INTO CAMERA, using the handle of his blade like brass knuckles."

I confess to being baffled as to how Leo can use "the handle of his blade like brass knuckles", as brass knuckles go OUTSIDE the user's fingers/fist, not INSIDE, as the handle of the sword would have to be. Unless I'm missing something.


-- Pete


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оригинальная запись в блоге

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All TMNT-related images © Mirage Studios unless otherwise noted. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles® is a registered trademark of Mirage Studios; all rights reserved.

Subj: comments on Ep. 91 ("Samurai Tourist") second draft
Date: Tuesday, September 7, 2004 10:12:52 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my very brief comments on Ep. 91 second draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"*CLOSE ON A LIT CANDLE as it crosses into and out of the frame – the candle is suspended from a swinging rope (the rope is tied to the ring handle of an old school candleholder). As it comes back into frame like a pendulum, a KATANA slices through the frame, cutting the wick and extinguishing the flame."

Just to be absolutely clear on how this is going to look -- due to the offset position of the ring handles that the ropes are tied to, these candles will be hanging at an angle, rather than straight up and down, right? Which actually works better for slicing the wicks without slicing the ropes.

2.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
…and there was nothing I could do. Master Splinter was burned… The Shredder broke Raph’s back… Mikey’s legs… Don’s arm… all I could do was watch."

Because these lines are still in the script, even though I questioned whether or not these injuries actually happened in my last notes, I have to assume that someone has checked and these things DID happen. I guess my memory is failing me -- I remember Splinter being burned (by the Sword of Tengu, right?), but not the other stuff. Can you point me toward the episode(s) in which these things happened?


-- Pete

Subj: designs for Ep. 91
Date: Monday, October 4, 2004 5:59:43 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

I got no designs for Ep. 91 via email, but did get a bunch via fax. They all look good, except for "demon Splinter" -- I think his bladed shoulder pads look way too much like the Shredder's, and there's nothing in the script that I can see that would indicate this approach. (With these blades, he also looks a little bit too much like "Dark Splinter" from the "superhero universe" episode.) Perhaps some pretty different-shaped blades would fix this -- maybe even something as simple as straight spikes or straight arrowhead-type blades (anything that is not hooked like the Shredder's blades, I guess).

There were also two designs for Ep. 92 -- Gen in tanktop and Central Park old pumping station -- and these looked good.

-- Pete

Да , Ген "Рокстеди" реально по круче обычного Рокстеди

Скажем так: Ген был заделан под Рокстеди, а Куджимо под Бибопа. или наоборот? А вцелом серия достаточно неплоха. Собственно этот "задел" вполне неплохая идея, до этой серии я даже как то не видел небольшую отсылку Гена на Рокстеди.