24.12.2011, 19:21
palblog :: Blast from the Past #345: November 12, 2004: comment on Ep. 102 ("Good Genes" Part 1) outline and comments on Ep. 104 ("Ninja Tribunal") premise, November 13, 2004: comments on Ep. 103 ("Go
Subj: comments on Ep. 103 ("Good Genes" Part 2) outline
Date: Saturday, November 13, 2004 12:47:56 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
Lloyd,
Here are my comments on the Ep. 103 outline.
1.) Re: the following:
"
LOGLINE: The turtles have made a deal with the devil … a.k.a. Agent Bishop. In return for curing Donatello, his three brothers have agreed to retrieve a pendant that is supposed to aid Bishop in his genetics work. The only problem, they have to steal it from Karai. And, she won’t be giving it up with a fight."
Minor point, most likely a typo, but I think that "with" in the last line should be "without".
2.) Re: the following:
"
RECAP: We see Donatello, in monster form, knocked out and trapped inside Leatherhead’s containment unit.
Donatello (VO): My name is Donatello… and I’ve seen better days."
I question the wisdom of giving Don the voiceover here, as it kind of muddies the waters. The implication of it is that while Don LOOKS monstrous, and ACTS monstrous, his mind is actually totally clear and trapped inside his mutated body. Which it isn't. I think it's confusing, and we should have someone else do the voiceover.
3.) Re: the following:
"
Bishop: ‘Then do it! Destroy Stockman… destroy me! But what becomes of Donatello? What becomes of the mutants in New York? Are you a monster? Or a man? Prove this intellect you claim to possess… help us finish the cure!’"
Leatherhead is not now nor ever has been a MAN. I think different wording is in order here.
4.) Re: the following:
"
Leo breaks the chain around the crystal, grabbing the crystal itself. He then KICKS Karai, hard enough to send her THROUGH the wall. She smashes into the hidden ‘lab’ behind the wall (as seen in ‘City at War’ and shatters the tube that Oroku Saki healed in."
Is this a "real" wall or a paper wall? I don't think Leo should be able to kick Karai through a real wall, nor should Karai be able to bounce back up from such an impact -- doesn't make much sense. In any event, I don't even see the point of having Karai go through the wall and break the tube -- why bother? Does it add anything to the story?
5.) Re: the following:
"
RESUME on the Turtles freefalling, having just leapt off the top of the Foot Skyscraper. Karai runs to the edge to see the Turtles’ seemingly suicidal escape…
…only to have the Turtle Copter DE-CLOAK in the sky before her."
"DE-CLOAK"???!!! Since when can this copter CLOAK? Also, even if we accept this preposterous notion, it's even MORE preposterous that the copter would be waiting to catch them RIGHT THERE AT THAT VERY MOMENT.
-- Pete
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Последний раз редактировалось Павел; 15.10.2012 в 19:47.
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