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Эх...Что тут сказать?Интересная серия,недумал,что Дон,ТАК любит Динозавров.Вот,только мне интересно,как Саванти,узнал где черепахи и как он смог с ними связатся?С помощью чего?У него ведь небыло никокого Скипитра,который бы смог связать,его с ними!Вот,это мне непонятно.А в целом-Сюжет ОТЛИЧНЫЙ и Серия интересная!

Ep. 98

1.) Re: the following:


"A la the famous FF comic “This Man, This Monster,” if at all possible, it would be very cool if, at the end of this episode, when Stockman is about to do April in… he somehow snaps out of his delusional mode, realizes that what he’s doing – and what he has done since he first went bad and created his mousers – is wrong… and actually winds up sacrificing himself to save her life!"


I love that FF story, and it would be cool if we could do an "homage" to it, but I'm really not sure that Stockman's personality would allow it. I'm not sure too that I want to lose Stockman -- he's been a great pain in the ass character.
One thought I had if we decide that we do want to get rid of him -- a fun twist might be that he does something nasty and evil (something, in other words, typically Stockman) that results in his doom, but April misperceives it as a noble sacrifice on his part.

В начале я не понял что это за костяная бошка а потом понял что это Саванти.

Subj: comments on Ep. 98 premise
Date: Friday, September 24, 2004 12:31:36 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 98 premise.

1.) I wonder if, when Stockman decides to put his brain into a new cloned body, he also decides to "improve" upon his former body -- i.e. make it taller, stronger, with better eyes (so he doesn't have to wear glasses, etc.. That might make his fall even harder.

2.) Re: the following:

"We rejoin the Turtles cleaning up the aftermath of the mutant toad battle. There’s a mess of green slime in the gutter between the tracks. Raph complains about how “It stinks that we gotta play merry maids nowadays after kickin’ butt.” Don explains that, “Yeah, well, nowadays our enemies explode into highly toxic and contagious waste!” (And then maybe Donny can even do a subtle cough … he’s got a touch of the flu … bit of a scratchy throat …). The Turtles finish bagging up the slimy toad debris and head home. We segue from that slime to…"

This "clean up" bit is a little weird. For one thing, what are the Turtles doing with the waste once they've bagged it up? Where are they taking it? I get the idea that the Turtles want to be responsible, but becoming janitors might not be the way to do it. Maybe instead of actually bagging up the slime and taking it with them, they spray it with some compound Don has concocted that renders it inert or just completely dissolves it into harmless elements. OR... they "tag" the area with some kind of sign which will alert the authorities (who are also surely aware of the problem and are trying to deal with it) to a location where some of these mutant creatures have been fought and melted, so that they can call in more appropriately equipped clean up squads.

3.) Re: the following:

"Back at the Turtles lair, there’s a sudden noise—the Turtles are alarmed and jump to action—someone is coming through the door! The Turtles are armed and await the intruder…finally the door opens and…it’s Master Splinter with some new decorations for the lair. Oh, what a relief! The Turtles rest easy. But then…where was Stockman going to?"

I get the idea that we want a little misdirection to fool the viewer into thinking that Stockman's destination was the Turtles' lair, but this bit with Splinter "coming through the door" and making a "sudden noise" which gets the Turtles all freaked out is GOOFY. What door is Splinter coming through -- the one to outside? If so, what the HELL is he doing going outside to get "decorations"?! And what kind of noise can he make to freak the Turtles out so? Makes no sense. This needs reworking.

4.) Re: the following:

"Stockman charges at April—there’s a bit of banter in which he insanely reasons why April is responsible and then a cat and mouse chase ensues where April proves surprisingly evasive—but most importantly, she manages to turn the web-cam on her computer on … clandestinely sending a message and video images to some friends …

Back at the Turtle lair Mikey playing with the computer when he sees what at first he assumes is a cool new video game on his computer but quickly realizes is, in fact, April being attack by—who the?! Stockman?! Human … well almost human, Baxter Stockman! But, the turtles are not hallucinating! That’s Stockman!"

This is more than a bit goofy. First, that April would turn on her webcam in the hope that by some random chance one or more of the Turtles would be watching that particular webcam at that particular moment and see what's happening -- or at least see SOME of what's happening, as webcams typically have a fairly small field of view. And secondly, that Mikey would be so STUPID that he could mistake a webcam window for a new videogame.
I think we're also missing an opportunity to bring Casey into this story. I think it would be nice if he attempted to save April from Stockman. Here's a possible scenario: April is using her laptop with webcam in her shop, and she's intant messaging/webcamming with Casey (maybe we even do some funny stuff where she's trying to help Casey get the hang of this technology, as he keeps futziing it up (mounting the webcam upside down, etc.)) when suddenly Stockman breaks in. Now, Casey sees this intrusion via April's webcam (and maybe it's a odd angle view because April's laptop/webcam got knocked off the counter and landed on its side or something) and is horrified. As he rushes to his motorcycle to blast over to April's to help her, he gives the Turtles a call (via ShellCel -- don't know if the boys have any of these or not -- or by phone) and let's them know what's happening.
Casey gets to April's place before the Turtles, and though he fights valiantly against Stockman, he gets his ass kicked. When the Turtles finally arrive, a groggy Casey can fill them in on what happened and maybe point them in the direction April took off in, pursued by Stockman.

5.) Re: the following:

"The Turtles blast through the sewers on the sewer sled getting downtown as fast as they can! We can only hope it will be fast enough because …"

I thought the Sewer Sled had been lost in the attack on the lair? Anyway, I think it might be better if they DON'T have any kind of vehicle, and have to hoof it, opening up some opportunities for some complaining along the way from some of the Turtles -- I'm thinking Mikey would be a good choice -- about how they should have some wheels, how they miss the Sewer Sled and Battle Shell, etc..

6.) Re: the following:

"The chase continues through the streets … Stockman uses some of the “weaponry” that he has included in patching himself back together in his cyborg self and tries to hit April with small rockets (which blow up parked cars), etc. He should be a horrific amalgamation of man, mutant and machine."

I'm not loving the rocket thing.

7.) Re: the following:

"April puts up a good fight …

… but Stockman overwhelms her and is about to cut her painfully to pieces with a piece of his cyborg-ness (a laser torch) … to experience his pain … one missing limb at a time."

I wonder if it might be better (i.e. much more horrible and scary) if Stockman at that moment determines that a better way to punish April and simultaneously help himself would be to transplant his brain into her healthy, non-diseased body (rather than just kill her).

8.) Of the two "Options" for Stockman's final hallucination, I prefer Option 1, as Option 2's inclusion of Stockman's mother comes out of the blue (we've never heard of or seen Stockman's mother before) and is really kind of cheesy. I think the idea that Stockman again hallucinates the Shredder (and maybe MULTIPLE Shredder's, where he sees each Turtle as another Shredder) is much cooler, and ties in with the beginning of the episode.

-- Pete

Subj: comments on Ep. 98 outline
Date: Wednesday, September 29, 2004 2:12:05 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 98 outline.

1.) Bishop seems to be very passive with Stockman in this episode, putting up with his tirades without comment. I think that is out of character for Bishop.

2.) Re: the following:

"We see Stockman in his lab with a soldering mask on. He’s soldering something that seems to be right in his lap. Sparks are flying."

A minor point, but -- I don't think there is such a thing as a "soldering mask", and soldering doesn't throw off sparks. I think what the writer means is a WELDING mask.

3.) Re: the following:

"Stockman gets up to try out his new leg. It works like a charm. But then, his other leg falls off."

I think here we've crossed over into "stupid".

4.) Re: the following:

"Stockman is at the lab, clutching his head in agony. He’s never looked worse: his decomposing flesh is stitched together with metal staples and green waste oozes from open sores. The twisted metal of makeshift limbs jet out from empty arm sockets."

I'll reserve final judgment until I get to the end of this outline, but with this description of Stockman's condition, I think we are getting into really silly territory. I mean, as egotistical as Stockman is, don't you think he would go back to his "brain in a jar" setup if his new body had deteriorated to this point? That way he could start form scratch instead of stumbling around in this rotting monstrosity.

5.) Re: the following:

"Stockman: “That’s when I met my problem! The reason for all of this! I know who to blame! And they’ll pay! They’ll pay with their life!”"

I think he means to say that they will pay with their LIVES.

6.) Re: the following:

"Suddenly there’s a loud, desperate banging noise in the lair—the Turtles are surprised—someone’s planning on coming in through the secret entrance! But who?! They’re not expecting any visitors!

But the noise is getting louder and louder. More and more desperate. The Turtles ready themselves for anything.

Then, Casey bursts through the door. He’s been beaten up. Badly."

Where exactly is this "secret entrance"? Above ground? Underground? I think we really need to get to work designing this new "hiding in plain sight" lair.

7.) Re: the following:

"Stockman has got April flung over his shoulder and is navigating through the back allies of New York. "

I think it's "alleys", not "allies", but anyway -- where is Stockman going? Back to the helicopter so he can return to the Area 51 base to perform this operation, it would seem. So... where did he land the helicopter? How far away is it?
I know this probably seems like I'm obsessing over minor details, but I think if we set this up properly, we won't have yet another instance of the Turtles looking for somebody in this huge city and conveniently finding them in minutes. My suggestion would be to have Casey and April SEE Stockman land the helicopter (perhaps nearby -- or on top of -- the Second Time Around shop) and then try to escape on Casey's motorcycle... unsuccessfully, for although they get a few miles away, Stockman catches up to them and the fight ensues in which Casey got beat up. THEN... Stockman grabs April and starts hauling her back to the helicopter... and thus Casey can give the Turtles some direction when they go after Stockman. (None of this needs to be SHOWN, but a few lines from Casey when he comes to the new lair could set it up.)

8.) Re: the following:

"Stockman is out of rockets but starts following her hand over hand on the cable. Stockman bursts into the gondola and now April is really cornered …

April puts up a good fight …

… but Stockman overwhelms her and is again about to begin the new body transference with a piece of his cyborg-ness (the laser torch and some sharp surgery-ish tools). "

I think we need to be clear on the difference between being mad/insane and being STUPID. Stockman is the former, but not the latter. He CAN'T be, if -- for example -- he is capable of building himself this cyborg monster body. And I don't think he would be stupid enough to try to start the operation on April in these circumstances, without all the key support technologies to ensure that April's body (not to mention his brain) doesn't die during the operation. And it's not even necessary for this scene -- it's scary enough that he's still trying to get her.

9.) Re: the following:

"But, the Turtles are coming up the cable trying to get to the gondola car now hanging high over the East River. Using their ninjitsu skills of balance and acrobatics, they manage to get along the cable almost running (flipping and somersaulting in a very precise and dangerous high-wire act)."

I think we must play this VERY carefully -- seems like another episode of "super ninja" to me. If there is any way for them to get to the gondola without doing this high wire act, I think we should use it. One thought that just occurred to me -- and I'm not sure if it would work into the structure of the story -- would be to have Don jump into Stockman's black ops helicopter and use that to fly them all out to the gondola. Actually, the more I think about it, that could be a really cool frenetic scene -- Don flies the other three Turtles out to the gondola, then keeps circling in the helicopter while they fight Stockman, desperately angling for an opportunity to get April into the helicopter so he can fly her to safety. (I keep seeing that scene from "True Lies".)

10.) Casey seems to disappear after he and the Turtles confront Stockman in the alley. Where'd he go?

-- Pete

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Subj: flying Shrednaughts
Date: Wednesday, September 29, 2004 7:53:11 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

I went back and checked and indeed there was a later "Revised Final Draft" of Ep. 93 which does indeed have flying Shrednaughts. I still don't think they should fly, and I have to say I am a little concerned that a substantial and unexpected change like this can find its way into a "final" draft. I guess I should start paying more attention to these "finals".

-- Pete


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оригинальная запись в блоге

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All TMNT-related images © Mirage Studios unless otherwise noted. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles® is a registered trademark of Mirage Studios; all rights reserved.

Subj: comments on Ep. 98 (nee 99) outline
Date: Friday, October 8, 2004 9:52:54 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on Ep. 98 (nee 99) outline.

“The Return of Savanti Romero Part I”

1.) When the Turtles are first in the museum, it might be a fun Mikey moment if he starts asking if they have a snack bar.

2.) Re: the following:

"Then they finally come to the star piece of the exhibit… a full skeleton of the Tyrannosaurs Rex! Twenty feet tall, with some teeth up to a foot long, even Raph can respect this. As they stare up at it, they can’t help but notice when the skeleton begins to move.

In shock, the Turtles and April freeze as the massive skeleton lunges at them!"

I really don't care for this, for a number of reasons. The "dino (usually T-Rex) skeleton comes to life in the museum" bit is somewhat of a cliche, and really is somewhat pointless action. And I think it is over-the-top nonsense for the Turtles to be responsible for destroying the museum exhibit -- I mean, what is April supposed to tell her friend who let her into the museum at night?
I also think the original (comic) bit with the way the bones of the dino form Savanti Romero's face is creepier than the way it happens here.
Here's a suggestion that might make everybody happy (or not): The T-Rex skeleton DOES come to life (or seems to) at the end of Act One, and then and/or at the beginning of Act Two we see the Turtles whipping their weapons out in a kick butt ninja action pose as the skeleton thrashes around and roars -- the Turtles are prepped for a battle -- but then April yells at them that they shouldn't be afraid... it's part of the exhibit, one of those animatronic dinos. The Turtles put away their weapons, a little abashed... but then one of the displays starts to change (as in the comic) for REAL! Mike could at first laugh it off as just another exhibit trick, but then is freaked out when Savanti Romero's head is formed by the bones.

3.) Re: the following:

"The Turtles stand, weapons out as they take defensive poses… ready for anything. And then… THOOM. THOOM. THOOM.

Mikey: If we’re lucky… King Kong is coming."

Why would it be lucky for them if King Kong was coming? I'm not averse to a funny Mikey line here, but it would be good if it made some sense.

-- Pete

Subj: comments on Ep. 98 ("Return of Savanti Romero Part 1") first draft
Date: Tuesday, October 19, 2004 7:35:44 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 98 first draft script.

1.) Re: the following:

"ON MIKEY and RAPH, smiling.
MICHELANGELO
Look, there’s a nerd-o-saur!
RAPHAEL
And I see a Geek-a-saurus Rex!
WIDE – April glares at the two of them, arms crossed.
APRIL
Oh, and you two are so super cool, with your comic books and fear of bugs.
BACK ON MIKEY and RAPH, no longer smiling.
APRIL (CONT’D)
Yeah, that’s what I thought."

I would take all of April's lines here out, not least because she's implying that comic books aren't cool! WHAT???!!! In all seriousness, her lines are superfluous -- I don't think Don needs her defending him here.

2.) Re: the following:

"SAVANTI ROMERO
And I am… but my magic is still strong. Even across the curve of time, I can find you… and send you this message of your impending, inevitable DOOM!
ANGLE ON MIKEY, who turns to Don, then back to Savanti.
MICHELANGELO
Thanks?"

Mike's line is weak, unnecessary and not terribly funny -- I'd lose it.

3.) Re: the following:

"SAVANTI ROMERO
(laughing)
Should you wish to try and stop me, I’ll be waiting in the Ring of Fire…
WIDE - Raph LEAPS, sai out. But just as he’s about to connect with the skull, it falls apart. Raph passes right through landing on the other side as the bones fall to the floor."

Two things: First, it should be "try TO stop me", not "try AND stop me". Second, I think it would be cool if the phrase "Ring of Fire" echoes/fades as Savanti's spell dissipates.

4.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
This is incredible!! Look at it all… look… there’s a brontosaurus! A real, living brontosaurus!!"

Should Don instead use what I think is the current "correct" name for this dinosaur, which I believe is "Apatosaurus"?

5.) Re: the following:

"ON LEO, looking around as well.
LEONARDO
I know it’s not the city… but it’s REALLY quiet. Everyone on your toes."

I don't get this first line from Leo -- the two halves don't seem to connect. I think we could safely lose it or both lines.

6.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
The deinonychus is one of the smartest of the dinosaurs… they’re fast, with powerful jaws… and they have a retractable sickle claw on their feet you have to watch for."

I don't think the claw in question is actually "retractable". Maybe a better way to put this would be as follows:

"DONATELLO
The deinonychus is one of the smartest of the dinosaurs… they’re fast, with powerful jaws… and they have a razor-sharp sickle claw on each foot."

-- Pete


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оригинальная запись в блоге

------------------------------------------------------------

All TMNT-related images © Mirage Studios unless otherwise noted. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles® is a registered trademark of Mirage Studios; all rights reserved.

Subj: notes on Ep. 98 second draft
Date: Tuesday, November 2, 2004 4:47:10 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the Ep. 98 second draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"ON THE TURTLES, looking up at the display. There’s another display behind them, mostly vegetation and prehistoric bushes.
LEONARDO
Eeesh. And I thought Raph was the ugliest relative we had.
RAPHAEL
Har-dee-har, Leo."

Leo's line here seems so not-Leo-like. Is he trying to be Mikey?

2.) Re: the following:

"*DONATELLO (CONT’D)
Anything we do could alter the future… we could unintentionally change our entire timeline! We can’t leave anything behind, and we have to… ah… ah… AH-CHOOOO!
Don lets loose with another explosive ."

I don't know if anyone else has already thought of this, but as I was reading this I thought it might be a cool nugget of an idea if the microorganisms in Don's sneeze (a byproduct of his "alien" ooze infection) have some repercussions, i.e. starting some kind of chain of events which lead to mutations of some sort -- maybe a hidden species of weird Cthulian-type creatures, or maybe mutated dinosaurs or something. Might be worth talking about.

3.) Re: the following:

"OTS TURTLES – as they watch the stampede fade away in the distance. Leo turns to Don.
*LEONARDO
Stuffy nose, huh?"

Leo's line here had me scratching my head, trying to figure out what he was referring to. Then I looked back about FIVE PAGES to see that he was referring to Don's sneeze in the previous act. It's not a big deal, but it does seem kind of disconnected. As it is not a line which is necessary, maybe we should lose it.

4.) At least now I get how Mike has potato chips in the next espisode -- the Turtles are apparently still wearing their "human" disguises from their museum visit. I wonder how this is going to work, visually -- will they look dopey fighting dinos in these "street clothes"? And when are they going to get rid of the clothes?

-- Pete

Сюжет интересный

чего они эту Ренет не бросят...ну джентельчерепахи....всегда девушку из любой задницы вытащат...

Всегда любил динозавров!