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Ep. 95

1.) Re: the following:


"Don will get wounded by one of the creatures. This will lead to infection, and eventually mutation over the course of the rest of the season."


I assume "wounded" means bitten or clawed? Also, I think we should consider Raph for the Turtle who gets mutated, not least because it would be a cool tie-in with the current comic book.

2.) Re: the following:


"April notices Don scratching at a bandage he wears on his thigh – the wound he received last episode. Don shrugs it off as all in the line of duty, ma’am. “Just wish the darn thing wouldn’t itch so much.”"


I think this bit is what got me thinking that it should be Raph, and not Don, who gets mutated. I really don't think Don would be so cavalier with such a potentially serious situation.

3.) Re: the following:

"They wind up at the outskirts of an impressive, lost-world-looking fantasy city.
The people who inhabit the city are long, tall, noble beings, sophisticated and apparently friendly. "


I immediately thought of the Y'Lyntians and the Entity when reading this description. Maybe they should instead be squat and round.

2.) Re: the following:


"Augie needs the compass because within it’s workings he has hidden a piece of the material from which the artifact (which transports people but never transports itself) is made of, and with it he can create a device to transport them all back to our world (or something like that)."


Huh? The idea that the artifact " transports people but never transports itself" seems to fly in the face of it's nature as established in "April's Artifact". This whole bit with the compass seems like an unnecessary red herring and confuses the issue. Why not just say that Uncle Augie wanted to share the good news of his discovery with April and the world? The artifact has all the power we need to send everybody here and there.

3.) Re: the following:


"But, alas, it is all too good to be true. There is another side to these long, lithe, friendly people, a dark side. And Augie has not seen past their surface.
They are a warlike race of conquerors. All that they have has been plundered. Even this fantasy city is not theirs – they conquered it."


This is okay, but I wonder if it would be better if we tweaked it so Augie didn't seem like such a dope or dupe. Maybe this race has a life cycle which includes an "age of unreason" or madness every few centuries, and it just so happens that it's about to come upon them.

Subj: Re: FW: Premise for 95
Date: Thursday, September 2, 2004 12:22:54 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the Ep. 95 premise.

1.) Re: the following:

"Having gathered anything they want to salvage, the turtles move out … only to find themselves facing a mutated cockroach twice the size of a man and very dangerous.

This is the creature that attacked/absconded with the utility worker earlier.

The turtles fight well …

… but Don gets severely racked by sharp “claws” of the roach and is “infected” … although we don’t know it yet (this will lead to infection and eventually mutation over the course of the rest of the season)."

As I suggested in a previous email about this idea, I would like it to be Raph who gets infected/mutated, as it would be a cool way to tie in with the current Mirage comic book.

2.) Re: the following:

"The turtles return with their “treasures” from the old lair and start to fix up the new lair (the castle-esque structure near the reservoir in Central Park)."

I really think that a total break from the old lair and its contents is in order here. After all, didn't Karai tell her minions to destroy everything in the old lair when they invaded it? Why would they leave anything salvageable? I think we're also missing some potential storytelling opportunities where we show how the Turtles find new stuff for their new home.

3.) Re: the following:

"Down in the sewers, the downed giant cockroach twitches and then gets up and moves away.

It comes upon another of its kind and another. These two new “brethren” see the wounds of the giant cockroach that the turtles fought and then leap upon it in utter savagery as we fade away …"

Other than showing how nasty these cockroaches are, is there any reason for this scene? It seems somehow oddly out of place, unless it is there for a specific reason, i.e. to set something up for later.

-- Pete

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Subj: Re: FW: Premise for 95
Date: Friday, September 3, 2004 11:25:39 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine


In a message dated 9/2/04 12:46:24 PM, Lloyd Goldfine writes:

Hi Pete –

I wanted to ask you to reconsider your note about making it be Raph that gets infected rather than Don. I think it’d be much more interesting to have Donatello be the turtle we turn in to a raging beast. It’s so completely against his nature, so unlike anything we could ever do with him under normal circumstances. It’s that much more of a surprise. Also, if we make it Raph and not Don, then Don is handily available to solve the problem - - we kind of lose the drama of the fact that the person who the Turtles would normally turn to now is the problem!

No one loves tying stuff back to the comic more than I do, but in this case, dramatically, making Don the monster would work better.

Anyway, that my two cents!

Lemme know,

Lloyd

Lloyd,

I'm not married to the idea of making it Raph instead of Don -- my main issue is to connect it to the comic and to use the design Jim came up with. Okay, I confess -- I want an action figure that looks like that!

To address your comments:

-- I agree that becoming a raging beast is very un-Donlike. However, it's also very un-Mikeylike. Maybe it should be Mikey who becomes the raging beast -- that might be just as shocking (or more so). Actually, it's very un-Splintelrike too! Hmmm....

-- I also agree that if it were Raph and not Don who turns into the raging beast, the others would likely turn to Don to find a cure. BUT... what if they did, and -- he couldn't find one? I think we could get wuite a bit of emotional content out of a situation where the Turtle with all the answers comes up short when it counts the most. That could be a real learning experience for Don.

As I said, I'm not married to my idea. I think it would work well either way.

-- Pete

Subj: Re: FW: Outline for 95 ("Outbreak")
Date: Sunday, September 12, 2004 3:14:09 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 95 outline.

1.) Re: the following:

"CLOSE as a black boot splashes into a mudpuddle – a lone American soldier stumbles across the charred battlefield, dazed and disoriented. Suddenly, a bright light shines down on the soldier from above.

From a bird’s eye view, we see the soldier is none other than BISHOP. WIDE on the scene as Bishop begins to rise up into the light. He screams helplessly, then we cut to BLACK.

Bishop (VO): ‘I know this all too well.’"

Bishop's origin is slowly being revealed, and here we learn a little bit more about it (he was a soldier in the war of 1812, taken and experimented on by aliens). I think this is cool, but as I read this, I wondered if by adding a little bit we could make it even cooler and weirder. What I suggest is that when Bishop "screams helplessly", he also screams out something like "Nooo! Not again -- !!!" The implication would be that this was not the first time the aliens had come for him... and further it raises the question of just how old IS Bishop, anyway? He could be hundreds, maybe thousands of years old, for all we know! (Hey... I just thought of something else... if he WERE that old, he could have had something to do with Oroku Saki in feudal Japan. Would that be cool, or what?!)

2.) Re: the following:

"Stockman: ‘Teams 2 and 3 have reported in… it’s just
incredible. They’re made contact with dozens of creatures…
insects, fish, reptiles… the mutagen has spread…
Bishop: ‘Doctor… is it containable?’"

A minor point -- I think we should try to find a word other than "mutagen" to call the stuff that is turning out all these mutant monsters, just because that is what we have always called the stuff that transformed the Turtles.

3.) Re: the following:

"Raph leaps into the fray, knocking the head roach back with a kick. He helps Don up, but in a blur, the head roach strikes out, an alien clawed limb scratching out at Don…

With a yell, Don spins around, a deep set of gouges on his leg. He drops to the ground."

I think it might be better if instead of a wound which is CLEARLY serious to begin with, Don gets LIGHTLY scratched -- not much more than what you might get if your cat clawed your arm with one claw -- so that it makes more sense that he would laugh it off at first and not be too concerned about it.


-- Pete

Одна из лучших серий! 5+

Subj: comments on Ep. 95 first draft
Date: Thursday, September 30, 2004 1:38:00 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 95 first draft.

1.) Re: the following::

"WIDE – Both tables rise, bringing both Bishops side by side. The wires from both Bishops’ heads are converging in a central machine, a conduit for the transfer. "

I think it is worth noting that we are establishing that Bishop and Stockman possess and are using a VERY powerful technology -- something which allows the transfer of consciousness from one body to another. This is no small feat, and could have large repercussions later on. I bring it up to raise this question -- is it too much? Or should we have Bishop's consciousness be transferred to his clone bodies by an actual, physical brain transplant?

2.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
Hopefully some decent parts for motion detectors will comes our way. I’d like to get the reservoir secure sooner than later."

Two things here. FIrst, I think it should be "come" and not "comes". And it seems a bit odd for Don to refer to their new digs as "the reservoir", not least because unless I am mistaken, they are not staying in the reservoir but in the pump house. I would replace "the reservoir" with "the new lair".

3.) Re: the following:

"CHUBBY TODD
I’ll bet he did. Harry would say he saw a giant crocodile down there if it’d get him off nights."

Nothing wrong with this line, but as I read it I thought this might be a good place to have one of these guys offhandedly refer to the Turtles in much the same "urban legendary" way as giant crocodiles in the sewers. It stands to reason that after all these years in NYC, the Turtles would have been glimpsed by various sewer or electrical workers and gained that kind of mythic status. Here's one possible way to do this:

"CHUBBY TODD
I’ll bet he did. Harry would say he saw a giant crocodile or one of them giant turtles down there if it’d get him off nights."

4.) Re: the following:

"CLOSE ON THE CABLE BUNDLE – as the worker examines it. Something has CHEWED THROUGH them.
ON THE WORKER – confused.
CHUBBY TODD
That’s weird… it looks like something chewed through these.
POV – from further down the tunnel, something is watching the worker as he examines the cables. The POV looks strange, the edges of the frame blurred and ultra wide angled, like a fish eye lens.
CHUBBY TODD (CONT’D)
(to Scared Carl above)
Hey, you should come check this out! It’s bizarre!"

This doesn't quite feel right. I would think that finding cables chewed by various animals or insects would be a pretty common sight for these guys. It would probably work better if it was played less "spooky" (because we already have the spooky "mutant POV" going on) and more disgusted. Here's what I mean:

"CLOSE ON THE CABLE BUNDLE – as the worker examines it. Something has CHEWED THROUGH them.
ON THE WORKER – pissed off.
CHUBBY TODD
Oh, man -- danged rats are at it again. Sure wish that Stockman guy's gizmos had worked out...
POV – from further down the tunnel, something is watching the worker as he examines the cables. The POV looks strange, the edges of the frame blurred and ultra wide angled, like a fish eye lens.
CHUBBY TODD (CONT’D)
(to Scared Carl above)
Carl? Get down here, and bring the [insert appropriate repair hardware/equipment here] with you."

5.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
(sighs)
Come on… I want to make one more stop up top… there’s a junkyard where I’ve found some good stuff before. We can take the sub sewers – we should avoid the Foot down there."

The "sub sewers" bit threw me -- for a moment I thought he was talking about routes that they used the Shell Sub in. I would delete this line -- "We can take the sub sewers – we should avoid the Foot down there" -- for that reason and the fact that it's really kind of superfluous.

6.) Re: the following:

"EXT. AREA 51 – BISHOP’S BASE – NIGHT
Re-estrablish."

VERY minor point, i.e. the misspelling of "establish". But it occurs to me that you could split that intriguing word "estrablish" in half and come up with a cool name for a character: "Estra Blish".

7.) I may be missing something, but -- how is it that Stockman can make a great, working body for Bishop, but he CAN'T do it for himself?

8.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
I’m gonna have to get back to you on that!"

Don doesn't say "gonna".

9.) Re: the following:

"HIGH ANGLE – the tendril hits the tunnel ledge. It sits for a half second, then little MINI-TENDRILS grow out of it, and the severed limb skitters away.
WIDE ON THE TICKS, who begin as well.
The remaining Earwig (2) LEAPS at Leo, but Don KNOCKS it back with his bo staff in a powerful blow.
ON THE EARWIG (2) – as it up against the tunnel wall. It begins to DISSOLVE, ooze coming from every joint, finally falling to the ground as it disintegrates."

Logic question: Why is it that the cut-off tendril grows "legs" and runs away, but the earwig disintegrates? Doesn't seem to make sense.

10.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
It’s intelligent… bugs, fish, that rat… now a human…"

This line doesn't work for me. I think we need something to indicate that this is a NEW and more horrible variation on what they have seen so far -- a MERGING of different species into one, now including human life as well as animal and insect. And Don's comment that "It's intelligent" may be true, but for all we -- and he -- know, even though they don't SPEAK, the other mutated forms may ALSO be intelligent.

11.) Re: the following:

"STOCKMAN (OC, CONT’D)
The mutagen is… it seems to be moving up the food chain – it’s as if the DNA itself is intelligent… "

"Mutagen" is a great word, but because it has already been so tied in with the ooze that transformed the Turtles, I suggest that we find another word to use here, so as not to engender confusion.

12.) Re: the following:

"STOCKMAN
The initial outbreak… perhaps. I need to study one of the creatures… find out how it spread. If it spreads by contact… well, it’s truly fascinating.
ON BISHOP
BISHOP
And if it IS spread by contact?
STOCKMAN (OC)
Then contamination is inevitable."

I hope we are not painting ourselves into a conceptual corner here. I know that we have plans to make Don change, from the wound he receives from one of the creatures. But if we DO establish that mere CONTACT can initiate mutation, then ALL of the Turtles should change. IN fact, given all of the physical contact they are having with these mutants and the VERY likely chance that they ALL have gotten at LEAST slightly scratched during these fierce battles, then they should ALL mutate. Which we don't want, so I think we need to come up with a good "mutation vector" analysis.
Also, we need a reason why Don doesn't turn into a mutant monster right away (as the cable guy did), and here's a possible explanation -- the Utrom mutagen in his body acted as a retarding agent to the effects of this "alien" goop.

13.) Re: the following:

"ANGLE ON THE ROACH, who goes skidding back across the sewer floor. Half of the roach begins dissolving like a wax statue, the other half remaining in tact. Its legs slip and slide as it rights itself, then skitters away down a tunnel."

I feel like we're losing it here. These may be fun visuals, but why does one half dissolve and the other run away? Makes no logical sense that I can see.

14.) Re: the following:

"CAMERA PANS DOWN TO DON’S BANDAGE. A small stream of alien OOZE is seeping out from under the bandage."

I think we're "gilding the lily" here with the "stream of alien ooze" seeping out from under his bandage. It's too much, and crudely telegraphs what is to come.

-- Pete


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оригинальная запись в блоге

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All TMNT-related images © Mirage Studios unless otherwise noted. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles® is a registered trademark of Mirage Studios; all rights reserved.

Subj: comment on Ep. 95 second draft
Date: Tuesday, October 5, 2004 7:25:24 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine


Lloyd,

Here is my one comment on the Ep. 95 second draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"*DONATELLO
Well, I wish I could find some decent parts for motion detectors will come our way."

This line was rewritten (previously it was "Hopefully some decent parts for motion detectors will comes our way." and I commented that "comes" should be "come"), but this new version is even less grammatical. I would suggest changing it as follows:

"*DONATELLO
Well, I wish I could find some decent parts for motion detectors."

-- Pete

Страшная серия.Просто одни кошмары.Бишоп пересилился в другое тело.И стал сильнее и быстрее.Из-за него теперь в Нью-Йорке теперь одни монстры.Меня испугала последняя сценка с птицей.М да точно не прикольная серия.А черепахи круто дрались с клещами.

Да Бишоп показал себя в этой серии

Мне серия очень понравилась. Вообще, я обратил внимание больше на самое начало, чем на саму серию. Оно рассказывает почему Бишоп такого мнения о любых пришельцах. И в целом, когда я смотрел эту серию первый раз, я был поражен когда понял, что тот солдат и есть Бишоп. Возможно тот эксперимент, или что то там еще, что эти инопланетосы сотворили с ним позволило ему дожить до наших дней.

Хм. Некий прототип Паукуса из 12-х один из случайных мутантов весьма напоминает. Стокман просто "прелесть". Даже к лучшему, что кто-то постоянно за ним... "присматривает". На его фоне даже Бишоп кажется образцом здравомыслия. ))) Лео, понятно, долго не был дома успел отвыкнуть от своих вещей - ему изначально попроще, Дон и Майк ноют и раздражаются, все еще по инерции не желая расстаться с тем, чего уже нет. Раф на их фоне поразительно спокоен, хотя наверняка у него тоже было что-то ценное. Ну, надеюсь, впредь будут более разумно рассматривать варианты хранения хотя бы самой необходимой информации на случай непредвиденного.

Интересный эпизод. Одна из лучших работ Кристофера Йоста по части сценария и общей атмосферы. В целом отличный эпизод в плане развития линии Бишопа. Ситуация с мутацией становится порождением генетического-кошмара, а финальная сцена с голубем так и вовсе достаточно зловеще смотрится.
В целом общая стилистика на высоте. Крис не изменил себе, коммандос , мутанты , секретные миссии, жесткие моменты порой наполненные цинизмом ,лишь дополняют и без того отличную атмосферу.

---------- Добавлено спустя 5 минут ----------

Кстати эпизод чем-то напомнил историю "Shattered" из комикса TMNT Adventures #52