17.10.2011, 16:20
palblog :: Blast from the Past #321: August 13, 2004 Re: Ep. 92 outline, Ep. 93 premise, first draft of Ep. 88, and Ep. 89 first draft :: 17.10.2011 16:19
Subj: notes on Ep. 89 first draft
Date: Friday, August 13, 2004 1:56:59 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
Lloyd,
Here are my notes on Ep. 89 first draft.
1.) Re: the following:
"Hanging by one arm, Mikey answers the phone
MIKEY
Talk to the turtle … Hey, long time no hear! … uh-huh … uh-huh … uh-huh … no problem … we’ll be there.
Mike and puts the cell back on his belt.
RAPH
Who was it?
MICHELANGELO
Nobody."
Maybe it's just TOO obvious -- and too much -- but should we do, for a few lines, a variation on the classic "Who's on first?" gag here?
2.) Re: the following:
"LEO
Your slipping, Nobody. That kid almost took you out."
It should be "you're", not "your".
3.) Re: the following:
"NOBODY (
Try not to hurt them. They’re just kids.
They duck as around them … Leo looks at Nobody.
LEO
Sure. Kids with Uzis. Real cute."
I know they have been referred to as "Laser Uzis" in the script (albeit not in the dialogue), but do we really want Leo to say "Uzis"? Maybe it would be better if he just said "guns" or "blasters" or "lasers".
-- Pete
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Последний раз редактировалось Павел; 03.11.2012 в 14:37.
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